Sailing in on a blessed fair wind over rolling waves Life, just a knot and a knife, souls unsaved Devil’s breath and untimely death – they are sure to come Sail, not to any avail Pass the rum! Look at me, I’m hard-tacking your limbs to the foremast of my pirate ship Look at me, I’m salt-porking your wife on the main deck of my pirate ship Looking out a poor sea trout who has been submerged Zounds! He’s got twenty doubloons – save them first Look at me, I’m hard-tacking your wife to the foremast of my pirate ship Look at me, I’m salt-porking your limbs on the main deck of my pirate ship ARRGH! Yo-ho-ho-ho!

Drivin’ in my six-fo’ And lookin’ to score some blow All I can see is nerds What’s up with all these nerds? Hopeless as I could be When out came the PCP I guess they’re not so bad They really aren’t so bad! I’m eating lungs It’s a world of possibilities If you’ve got a pager and some gold This whole block has violent tendencies Sure they’re heartless but they can’t help being full Sippin’ on Gin and Juice And thinkin’ of cuttin’ loose All I can see is squares What’s up with all these squares? Just as my spirits sank I started to smell some dank I knew that it was on Yes it was really on Pure THC Now it’s time for Bacchanalia To the most licentious of degrees You’ll expose your genitalia To a couple of conspicuous OG’s Sippin from my pimp cup And now things are lookin up Light up a big fat bowl A big fat muthafuckin bowl Damn it feels good to be A straight-outta-Compton G Get up to greet the Dre I say "hey how's it goin Dre" He says "not bad." It’s a world of possibilities In this place they call the LBC This whole block has rap abilities But they still could use a little PCP

When it’s time for lovin’ A dragon’s time for huggin’ When genitalia meet in place of claws Bequeathed to jaws inspired A different kind of fire A steamy stimulation of the maws Forked tongues deliver A trembling sensual quiver To schvansdukers the size of William Taft Scales shine and glisten An organ one ain’t missin’ Pleasure dealt both to the front and aft Splayed out on the hot cave floor Virtue they will flout One on top and one below No-one will feel left out Fold up their wings, it’s time to play A game of shrub and pine There’s no doubt, I could only speak Of dragon 69!

I’ve been finding derivations Accelerations Driving me insane But I have no compunctions It’s just my function Asymptotal Death in my Lexus Pushed to the limit There is no turning back Off on a tangent I’m approaching infants They’re approaching zero Math kills There’s a problem with my morals All of my quarrels Funneled into one My car could not be hotter From all the slaughter Blood clogs up the Gears in my engine Out for a joyride At TI-89 Miles per hour Adding to my power I absorb their life-force Solve that Off on a tangent I’m approaching infants They’re approaching zero At TI-89 Miles per hour Adding to my power I absorb their life-force Poopy

I’ve been thinking lately I Enjoy impunity For my head is way up high And the law cannot reach me Speak of the devil Here come the Feds Tell them that I’m dead Cuz you know that baby I don’t want to go to jail Just want to sleep around Though I might just tip the scale If I gain another pound Yes I’m quite large but Still Thomas Nast Can kiss my portly ass In an age of hunger and need We’re masters of greed Bosses indeed In an age of bribery and graft We work at our craft While dodging the draft True, I can’t do it alone I’ll need my ring of friends Whom I’d be quick to disown Should they wind up in the pen With phrases such as Who are these guys I don’t recognize? Cuz you know it’s just no Good to be considered chums With prisoners you see Plus, they charge quite hefty sums Just to set those jailbirds free And though I’m loaded I think my cents Could be far better spent In an age of hunger and need We’re masters of greed Bosses in tweed In an age of bribery and graft We work at our craft While dodging the draft

Sittin’ in my room with nothin’ to do When there's a knocking at my door by someone god knows who So I get up out of my chair with curious thoughts And when I open up the door I practically plotz Standing on my porch some guy in the buff He's got a creepy pagan wolf mask, think I've seen enough So I attempt to slam the door, try keeping him out But he's too quick and holds it open using his snout Always thought that I lived in a tepid neighborhood But I seem to stand corrected ‘Cuz it’s Winter Solstice, and much to my hating There's a crowd of Celts out and celebrating With a yearly festival featuring streaking Got to hope that their population's peaking 'Cuz I don't think I can take more of their antics Call me racist, but hey, it's just semantics I don't care Wolfy gets his way and opens my door And then before I get to close it lets in seven more Of these abominable Celts not wearing a thread Except of course the scary beastie mask on each head Fearing for my life, I run and I hide I go into my room and promptly lock myself inside But to my major disappointment what do I hear? The Pagans breaking all my stuff and drinking my beer Then I start to feel animalistic Full of rage and may be a bit sadistic They can’t come in here with their genitals showing Creepy faces and tinny-whistles blowing And the corned beef hash begins boiling within me Slap myself and say don’t be such a ninny So I grab a weapon and harness my loathing For good measure I tear off all my clothing Just like them! Steeped in the ways of the ancients I take my place as a Pagan Deep in the halls of the ancients No turning back from this lifestyle choice Chugging Guinness pints at Finnegan’s pub It feels so good to be accepted by this little club Of Irish people who can handle their alcohol And know their way around a fight with you or a wall Even got a wife, one beautiful sight My wild Irish rose that I’m deflowering tonight Although I have already seen her totally nude I’m looking forward to expressing my gratitude To these people for all that they’ve shown me And to her because she agreed to bone me With that tight vagina that’s probably not tight But I shouldn’t just put her in the spotlight 'Cause her sexual history is really her business I’m just glad that she blows me [such good kisses] I’m ecstatic like it’s the end of the famine Getting laid and still drinking like a salmon With a problem!

There’s a Spaniard on my left And a Yankee on my right They’re both leaving me bereft Of most everything I’ve come to like Well it’s time to evolve Beyond what’s kept us apart And stride on into the future But if you won’t take My message to heart I say whatever, you can suit yourself Their traditions are all wrong Say the Spaniard and the Yank The air should ring out with our song By each hilltop and each riverbank Well it’s time to evolve Beyond what’s kept us apart And stride on into the future But if you won’t take My message to heart I say whatever, you can suit yourself The islands are big enough for all of us Isn't that right, my friends? I'm just looking for some tolerance And I don't see why we must contend Well it’s time to evolve Beyond what’s kept us apart And stride on into the future But if you won’t take My message to heart I say whatever, you can suit yourself